i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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