Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
