it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
