I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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