I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
