no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
