the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
she pinky promised me she was 18
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
