Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Randomize
