...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I just googled if crying burns calories
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
