PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
