His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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