I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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