Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Randomize
