..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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