this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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