pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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