i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
