my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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