can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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