We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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