no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
