drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
