"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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