Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
