i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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