do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
