I got chris browned last night
youre lurking in front of me
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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