The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
