Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
