I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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