Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
