Swine flu. Run for my life!
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
