i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
