I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
