Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
