Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
