So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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