Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
