if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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