when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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