Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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