i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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