Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
