the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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