I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
