There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
