Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
