I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
