O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
