I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
