Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
