Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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